I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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