i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
