i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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