Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
