Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
