i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
