So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
