honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
