strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
