He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
