Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
