Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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