Kiss
Puke
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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