New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
