If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
