Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I could make wine with my vomit
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
time to smoke my breakfast
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
