Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
