As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
