I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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