EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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