im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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