if only i could text you this smell
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
