I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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