you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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