i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Someone came in the potted fern
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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