I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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