I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
