she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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