so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
