Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
