I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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