Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
