you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
