I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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