Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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