she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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