Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
