you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
