I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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