I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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