I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
