I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
