ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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