Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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