dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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