I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I want a musical about memes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
