In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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