do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
