is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Do vagina's smell?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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