Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
